Have you ever been really disappointed in yourself?
Whoa. Loaded question, right?
This weekend, I was disappointed in myself.
This past weekend, the hubs and I spent some time outside of our normal surroundings. I was so disappointed in myself when I found myself thinking, "You are wasting my time." You see, the hubs and I were supposed to be helping someone, but it wasn't at my pace or in my kind of order. Whoa. How selfish! (and some of you would sarcastically say, "How surprising!" - just kidding, hopefully)
As I sat in my frustration about the schedule of our day, I felt so convicted. I was thinking of myself first.
If I was going to help someone, I better be put to the best possible use and all of my time should be well-spent. If I wasn't being used to my fullest potential, it was a waste of my time.
That is a lot of "I"s and "my"s and not a lot of "them"s.
As I spoke with JD about this and apologized to him for my poor attitude, we realized that we had both struggled with that attitude.
I wonder how many other times I've done that. When I've gone to serve others, have I been mostly concerned about myself and how my *precious* time was being spent?
While all of that is a valuable question, my biggest question was, "God, how is this guilt absolved?" You see, I felt super guilty. I had wasted a whole day of helping someone on my selfish thoughts. (By the way- it's because I was guilty!)
Today, as we took communion, we sang,
"There's a place where sin and shame are powerless
Where my heart has peace with God and forgiveness
Where all the love I've ever found
Comes like a flood, flowing down
At the cross"
We can walk with God for a long time, but the cross never gets old. The power of the cross and of God's forgiveness never gets old. Taking Communion never gets old. The gravity of the King of the Universe taking on my sin never gets old.
So if you've been disappointed with yourself, remember that the cross breaks the power of shame. It doesn't mean we don't have to grow, but it means we can grow without the chains of guilt and shame. Thank God for the cross today and celebrate that the chains of disappointment are broken.
Today, we sang:
"Blessed Be Your Name" by Matt Redman
"God is Able" by Hillsong
"Your Great Name" by Natalie Grant
"The Same Love" by Paul Baloche
and "At the Cross (Love Ran Red)" by Chris Tomlin (off of the awesome new Passion album)