Hi. My name is Courtney. I'm an impatient person in recovery. I have lots of slip ups, but I've been doing pretty well recently.Okay, maybe not so well. Ha!
When I first started following Christ, I realized that He wanted me to give up screaming at every slow driver and robbing others the chance to do a task that I could complete more quickly. It wasn't good for my blood pressure (physically) or my heart (spiritually). Since that time, He has guided me through many years, molding me to be more and more patient, less competitive, more aware of the true value in situations (people, not tasks) and less perfectionistic. (I'm not sure that's even a word, but my blog, my rules, people!)
So when Jim was talking about being a perfectionist this morning, I almost blew it off.
I thought to myself, "I gave that up years ago. Doesn't even phase me anymore." And everyone knows that once you think you have it handled, you don't. Not even four hours later, I was fuming at the light board because I missed a cue while running lights for Evening Worship. Within 60 seconds, the Lord gently reminded me that 1. I messed up while Jeremy was praying, so nobody should have been looking anyways (I'm talking to you, you peek-ers!), and 2. That wasn't something to get upset about. It was too small of an error to blow a gasket.
I may not struggle too much with perfectionism anymore, but I still struggle with it's brother, impatience. I feel like they go together. Ultimately, both indicate anger because something isn't happening the way or the time that I think it should happen. I was very honest a few weeks ago when I said I'm trying to be a bit more healthy, including exercise, eating healthier (I said trying!) and losing some weight.
So I'm up writing very late right now because tomorrow is .... Monday.
You see, Monday is weigh in day.
The day I either dance my way out of the house or get sad/determined to conquer the next week.
As I've been on this journey, I have realized how closely my physical health improvements and my spiritual health are connected. I have realized that one without the other just doesn't work. And I don't have to convince you all of this. We've all heard the "your body is a temple" sermons, articles, motivational pictures on Facebook and blog posts. I casually would listen to those ideas but until I really gave up my exercise plan, my meals and my heart to the Lord, I had only my own power to trust in and I had no patience for a weight loss journey. I wanted it all gone in a few trips to the gym.
But now, I can sing, as I did today,
With my roots deep in You,
I'll grow the branch that bears the fruit
And though I'm small
I'll still be standing in the storm
'Cause I am planted by the river
By Your streams of living water
And I'll grow up strong and beautiful
All for Your splendor, Lord
Because I want it all.
I want the patience, peace, joy, healthy relationships and benefits of following the Lord all at one time, but this song reminds me clearly that I just need to grow my roots, stay planted near the water and wait for spring.
I need to do that with my fitness plan (oh geez that sounds cheesy, but call a spade a spade, right?) as well. I need to grow roots, rest in the Lord and look forward to the day that my work and His power come together to make it all happen. It may not be tomorrow morning when I step on the scale, but it may be the next Monday, or the Monday after that.
And can I just take a moment to say what a wonderful and mysterious God we serve that our roots can grow so deeply? I know the spring never feels like it will come, but the joy of the winter is getting to rest in the ground, in the Lord, and find solace in Him alone.
The set list from Sunday, March 17th:
"All My Fountains" by Chris Tomlin
"Not For a Moment" by Meredith Andrews
"Crown Him (Majesty) by Chris Tomlin featuring Kari Jobe (love that song!)
and "For Your Splendor" by Christy Nockels from her latest album Into the Glorious which I haven't stopped listening to for the past couple of months. The entire album is full of great lyrics and calm melodies like this song. It's my go-to playlist in the morning to wake up, in the middle of the day to calm down and at night to count my blessings.
So this week, I encourage all of us, definitely myself included, to continue to grow our roots deeply. Whether you're in spring, summer, fall or winter, our roots always need more water for us to keep growing.
Or losing, as I'm trying ;).